Four Pillars of Shared Meaning...

In any given relationship there is a moment of truth that arises.  We ask ourselves, 

"What is it in me that is allowing this relationship to progress towards eternity?"

  Marriage has not always come easy for me.  

It takes daily commitment to see my spouse in a different and new perspective.  

A spiritual and meaningful perspective that amplifies our love and devotion to one another.

Upon marriage, we thought we shared the same rituals, roles, goals, and values.  

However, we both realized that this small town farm girl didn't exactly know how to handle the lifestyle my husband had been born and raised in.  

My husband and I had different rituals, didn't understand our roles completely, our goals were misaligned, and our values have been tested immeasurably.

It is essential to align and support the four pillars into our marriages. 

These are the four pillars of shared meaning in marriage.

Rituals

Roles

Goals

Values

After our engagement, I felt like nothing more in the world could possibly go wrong.  

After all, I was 19 years old, and I knew everything there ever was to know about life!  

I had things figured out.  

After a few years of marriage, things began to sour.  

What I thought I once understood showed that I didn't know anything at all.  

The truth was hard to accept.

My personal communication skills were non-existent, and what might have appeared to look like a soda can that if shaken, and opened abruptly,  EXPLODED...all over everything... and everyone.

I come from a background of mental illness with depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder.  

Looking back at the explosions and emotional extremes brings me hope, and

I am grateful to be here today in an eternal marriage with a new perspective.

The Savior healed our marriage in incomprehensible ways... 

Our hearts are mended and aligned in truth.

It took hitting the bottom to understand the purpose of getting to the top.  

My husband and I have endured the natural consequences of sin and sorrow.  

We all have in one way or another.  

With our marriages, it is important to identify what rituals we have established, our divine roles, common goals, and shared values.  

These things make marriage successful!

What a beautiful blessing it is to know that we have a Savior who provides a way for all of us to come back to His presence and be forgiven. 

It was through Him that my husband and I woke up from a painful nightmare, and are basking in the joy of marital reunion.  

We still have our days of disagreements, but we both know that it is vital to turn to Heavenly Father for guidance in everything we do. 

Prayer is my medication that has allowed me to properly see things from Heavenly Father's eternal perspective.

Thoughts.Feelings.Actions...

Earlier this year, I read a book called, 

"Yearning for the Living God", by Elder F. Enzio Bushe.  

This book really built my faith on how love and service help cast out fear in any given situation and relationship.  This book is based on his life and how he relies on God to help with everything.

Previous to this, I had been praying to understand why certain things kept happening in my relationships with my husband and even my children.

One night, I woke up and saw the above image in my head.  I drew a hand sketch of it, and called a friend of mine who does graphic design.  

She put it together and it has served as a key for me in my own progression and understanding.

MY HEART LEPT IN JOY WHEN MY FRIEND SENT THIS TO ME!

It was a gift sent from Heaven!

I use this graphic in my business practice, and felt I needed to openly share this after reading 

H. Wallace Goddard, "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage" readings.  

In chapter 2, he specifically addresses how to exemplify obedience and sacrifice by having a willingness to submit to all things.

He talks about how considering our thoughts, feelings, and actions to gain a clear perspective. 

He also said, "Consider your thoughts, feelings, and actions that are the measure of your character- and the key factors in a godly relationship."

In the diagram above, here is how it works in a nutshell:  We start and look at the Spiritual first.  We each have three distinct voices.  Our own, the spirit, and the adversary.  

Depending on which voice we listen to, we then form thoughts in our minds,  those thoughts turn into emotions, and then cause us to act.  

It matters what we focus out thoughts on!  Because it will cause us to act.. So, as I reflect on the book "Yearning for the Living God", and the above diagram, I always go back to how important it is to focus on Christ in ALL relationships and situations.  If we can see the good attributes of our spouse, then we can progress because we won't be "pin-pricking" at others or ourselves.

Yes, I can talk about this diagram for hours on end.
There is depth to it that continues to help me through each day of my life. 

Heavenly Father wants us to find joy.  He loves us so much that He gave us His only begotten Son.  Our brother Jesus Christ has already atoned for every weakness in us. 

The Natural Man vs. The Spiritual Man

What is the Natural Man?

On lds.org it defines the natural man as, 

"A person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things. All people are carnal, or mortal, because of the fall of Adam and Eve. Each person must be born again through the atonement of Jesus Christ to cease being a natural man."

If we put off the natural man, then we will be born again...

What a powerful blessing! 

In the world we now live, it seems that the physical desires, appetites, passions, and senses of our flesh are taking over the promptings man receives on a spiritual level.  Thus the physical body is taking control over our spiritual body.

Why is this?

Why is it so easy to succumb to natural desires?  As we look at our marriage relationships it's easy to identify the "habits" or "shortcomings" or our spouse.  Those things are all temporal, and not eternal.  

We are promised that we will be made perfect through Christ's Atonement as we "put off" the natural man.

How do we apply this in our marital relationship?

John M. Gottman wrote a book titled,
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work".  

This book breaks down 4 Horseman in predicting marital imbalances, and how to stop them in their tracks from destroying marriages.

Have you ever felt critical, defensive, in a state of contempt, and find yourself stonewalling?

These are all natural tendencies that we must teach and train to change. 

In my own life, my marriage has near failed.  

My husband and I found ourselves involved with all four horsemen.  In fact, it looked like a horse race with both of us placing bets with each awful word that came out of our mouths.  It was a matter of time before the race was over, the horses were put back in their place, and our marriage got proper attention. 

My husband and I both learned that we must be taught, trained, and fed spiritually to allow our hearts to soften towards one another. It is not a race between us.

Only through the Lord can we truly heal wounded marriage.  

It is essential to our progression to put off the natural man and yield to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  

He guides us to healing that the natural man cannot comprehend.  

We must submit ourselves to His will over our own.

100%...

Marriage is giving 100% of yourself!
Marriage is to be nurtured just as a newborn baby.
Marriage is born when we enter a holy temple, and kneel across the altar
to make sacred eternal covenants.
 After we leave the temple we must feed our marriage, teach it, and give it
time necessary to learn and grow eternally.

How do we properly nurture a marriage?

Nurture defined in the dictionary states to,
"Care for and encourage the growth or development of something or someone". 

Just like a newborn baby needs the nutrients from milk, 

Our marriage needs the same nourishment.  

We must care for and encourage proper development or we stand at risk of destruction.

As Elder David A. Bednar said,
"Satan does not have a body, he cannot marry, and he will not ever have a family".
Therefore, he attacks our marriage, our physical bodies, and our families.

We see in the world today how easy it is to fall victim to Satan's deception.
He tries to get us to misuse our body, have marital disharmony, and does everything possible to destroy our most sacred family relationships.

What is a sure way to avoid deception in our marriage?
Give 100% to marriage.
Divorce is 50/50, but marriage is 100/100!
This is a sure way to help nourish and nurture our marriages for eternity...

We live in perilous times!

What does it mean to live in perilous times?

Perilous defined in the dictionary states: Full of danger.

Is our mortal life full of danger?  If so, why?  Why are there so many influences to bring us to destruction?  Why are some not taking a stand for truth and righteousness?  Why then must be stand-alone more often, than in a crowd of evildoers forsaking truth?

We live in a day and age where divorce is running rapid, same sex marriage is accepted, physical ailments are numerous, pain and anguish are becoming a choice and lifestyle rather than a teaching experience. 

Why must our precious brothers and sisters perish in disbelief?

God's plan of happiness is being replaced with temporal deceit.  

These are perilous times!

Russell M. Nelson said, “Brothers and sisters, undergirded by incontrovertible truth, proclaim your love for God! Proclaim your love for all human beings “with malice toward none, with charity for all.” They as children of God are our brothers and sisters. We value their rights and feelings. But we cannot condone efforts to change divine doctrine. It is not for man to change.  God loves His children. And if they love Him, they will show that love by keeping His commandments, including chastity before marriage and total fidelity within marriage. Scriptures warn that behavior contrary to the commandments of the Lord will not only deprive couples of divinely approved intimacy but will bring about the stern judgments of God.^”

We live in perilous times. We must stand firm in the faith and obey the commandments. God has given us instructions in the scriptures to stay protected from the harsh winds of the adversary. It is the daily test we have to see whether or not we get blown away or are tightly rooted in truth.

Timothy 3:1 

"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come."

Deuteronomy 31:6,8 

"6 Be strong and of good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

8 And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed."