Eternal Laws...

In the book "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage", by H. Wallace Goddard, he explains how we are always blessed when we abide by eternal laws. he said, "To those who claim their love is dead, let them return home with all their loyalty, fidelity, honor, and cleanness, and the love that has become but embers will flare up with scintillating flame again. If love wanes or dies, it is often infidelity of thought or act that gave the lethal poison". 

Satan wants us to violate our covenants, and he will stop at nothing to get us to follow him.  How disheartening it is to see what Satan has done to destroy families.  He wants to destroy our bodies, our families, and especially our eternal marriage.  Satan has the world demonstrate a portrayal that is distorted of what Heavenly Father wants us to understand the eternal perspective of our covenants.  Love dies if it turns to lust in any form.  Saran brings poison into our marriages by distorting our perception of truth verses a lie.

The Coat: A Story of Charity

Charity and Virtue are the keys to accessing Heaven's Power...

D&C 121:45-46

"45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

 46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever."

Marriage requires us to see one another through an eternal lens of focus. 
If we will look to the soul of our partner, and not focus on the natural fleshy mortal-ness, we will be able to have a deep sense of charity for them.
We are all imperfect, but we are given hope through this gospel to be perfected in, 
through, by, and because of Christ.  
How often can we resolve conflict if our hearts are rehashing past disturbances?  

In my own learning, I have found that my biggest test comes through patience, 
which directly ties in with charity.

"Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down".  
(H.Wallace Goddard, "Drawing Heaven into your Marriage")

This has been a video I've always loved and thought about in many situations.  

The way we act toward various situations speaks louder than words.  
When our significant other seems downtrodden, we must be willing to give them our coats of warmth, love, charity, and patience.  
Only through virtuous thoughts, and charitable actions do our hearts align with the Savior.

Charity is the pure love of Christ...

Managing Conflict!

In a book by John Gottman titled, " The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", he describes some important keys to managing conflict in marriage.

Negative emotions are important.

It's sometimes frowned upon to express negative emotion, but oh so important.  This key helps to really open up, listen, and communicate more intimately.

No one is right.

Gottman points out that "There is no immaculate perception."  

Acceptance is crucial

It is impossible for marriages to come to heed advice unless they believe the other person understands, respects, and accepts them for who they are.

Focus on fondness and admiration

I realized through reading about changing focus to fondness and admiration that it's crucial to manage conflict in our marriages.  If our focus is always on the negative then we are blinded from seeing the positive.

This week I realized just how important it is to not only manage our conflict in our marriages, but also in other relationships we have.  Especially our relationships with our children.

This video summarizes the 7 principles for making our marriages work.

Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit... "Go get Help!"

It was a warm Sabbath morning. Church was starting in an hour, and the energy had been taken completely from me.  The children were upstairs playing with toys and having a joyous time.  There I was, sitting in bed with my back to the hard leathered headboard, gasping for air.  My heart was beating wildly, and my body wasn't able to relax fully.  I woke up feeling as if I was in a race, but not even physically running.

This was not the case. I returned to my bed and rested my weary head for a moment.  I heard the spirit whisper to me, "Go get help".  I immediately went through the neighborhood directory and quickly realized that everyone was at church, and I didn't dare call them to interrupt their Sunday worship.  I knew that a trip to the ER was mandatory.

Out of desperation, I called my parents and informed them that I was going to the hospital to get help for these intense pains in my chest, and to ensure my heart would stabilize.  I explained briefly to my mother that I needed help with my two children more than anything else.  She reported that my father was on his way and was going to meet me upon my arrival to the hospital.  My heart began racing even more, and I began to feel lightheaded and dizzy.  I calmly called my children to my side, and told them that mommy needed to go get help so we had to drive to the hospital.  We got in the car and speedily drove to the hospital.  In that very moment, I was scared beyond words.  I prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would watch and care for my children, and that I would be able to get the help I so desperately needed.

We arrived at the hospital.  I entered in the ER, and found that there was a wait.  I sat down to catch my breath and realized that if I didn't get help right then, I wasn't going to be able to stay conscious.  With my two children sitting right next to me, I began to become emotionally challenged.  My thoughts stated racing along with my heart and I thought about the worst things happening to me.  Is my heart going to stop? Will I make it out of there ok?  What are my children thinking in this moment?  Will my dad make it here soon? Was this an answered prayer to help me during my separation to my husband?  Did my heart really start to physically break?

Right then,  a nurse called me back and began to ask me questions.  I felt dizzy and almost fainted as I slurred every word spoken. They quickly raced me back to hook me up to the heart monitors.  The nurse called for extra help as they realized my resting heart rate was at
199 bpm (beats per minute).  There I was, laying flat down on a hospital table, hooked up to all sorts of machines, with nurses, doctors, and other practitioners...  Out of the corner of my eye I saw my two precious children trying to emotionally process what was in front of them with their mommy.  I began to weep.  My dad arrived and quickly greeted me with love.  He got my children and left the hospital.  There I was, alone and broken.  A nurse came in and expressed how they were unable to get my heart rate down to a normal rate and further tests were ordered.  Then, the room was empty and silent.  I looked around and realized that it was me alone with all of my fears.  A deep feeling of darkness came over me and I began to pray silently to feel comfort.  In someway, somehow I needed to understand what the Lord might teach me through this difficult moment.  I had never felt so alone in my entire life!

Being separated had been extremely difficult on my health.  I was taking on the role of both parents for my children.  Running them here and there, making sure that they didn't feel any pain.  I wanted them to be free from pain in any way possible.  My husband was nowhere to be seen, and my phone calls to him went unanswered.  I had every moment of hurt, betrayal, and fear overtake me.  I knew that I needed help.  More than an earthly physician.  I need the help of my Savior to recognize what in me needed to change.  This was the hardest realization to swallow.  As I lay in that hospital room I recognized that I hadn't fully turned to my Heavenly Father or my Savior to give me the strength needed to endure such a difficult trial.  I promised Heavenly Father that if He would give me the help I needed that I would repent and turn towards Him forever.  I needed his mercy!

Shortly after, a doctor entered the room and expressed concern for my condition.  He said that the rate at which it was beating showed that I had run a full marathon that day.  I needed fluids, rest, and more tests.  He then told me that if my heart rate stabilized, I would need to see a specialist and more than likely be on medication for the rest of my life.  After several hours, test, and much pondering I was told tI could finally go home.  However, I wasn't able to drive from the medications they had given me.  I called my mother in law to help me through what was to come.  As she drove me home we began talking about the current state of my marriage to her son.  We were separated and contemplating divorce.  I told her that day that no matter what I was going to follow the prompting of the spirit so that whatever needed to happen for learning and growth I was prepared for it.

Many angels attended me that day.  I will never forget it!  I realize how important it is to get help always.  Not necessarily in the physical form, but in the spiritual form as well.  I needed to recognize my own faults and fully repent.  The Lord showed me how to have a contrite spirit.  After I recovered for a few weeks, I was able to sit down and write down the following affirmations to read daily.

"I will"

1. I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage.
2. I will commit to thinking about my eternal perspective.
3. I will keep my temple covenants.
4. I will willingly forgive all.
5. I will unconditionally love.
6. I will allow time to heal.
7. I will follow counsel from my Bishop and counselor.
8. I will pray continually and pour out everything so the blessings of heaven can pour in.
9. I will wake up with gratitude and a positive outlook on life.
10. I will take care of my needs and nourish my body and spirit.
11. I will ensure my children are nurtured spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
12. I will thank my Heavenly Father daily.
13. I will seek guidance from the scriptures, conference talks, and other church literature.
14. I will be strong, brave, and stand for truth at all times.
15. I will accept the changes I need to make as a gift from Heavenly Father.
16. I will be patient.
17. I will take strict heed to follow the guidance of the spirit.
18. I will attend the temple.
19. I will be true to myself.
20. I will accept this trial as a blessing.

I recovered without any complications or signs of heart damage. The greatest gift was not only to have my physical health normalized, but my marriage was saved by many tender mercies.

Four Pillars of Shared Meaning...

In any given relationship there is a moment of truth that arises.  We ask ourselves, 

"What is it in me that is allowing this relationship to progress towards eternity?"

  Marriage has not always come easy for me.  

It takes daily commitment to see my spouse in a different and new perspective.  

A spiritual and meaningful perspective that amplifies our love and devotion to one another.

Upon marriage, we thought we shared the same rituals, roles, goals, and values.  

However, we both realized that this small town farm girl didn't exactly know how to handle the lifestyle my husband had been born and raised in.  

My husband and I had different rituals, didn't understand our roles completely, our goals were misaligned, and our values have been tested immeasurably.

It is essential to align and support the four pillars into our marriages. 

These are the four pillars of shared meaning in marriage.

Rituals

Roles

Goals

Values

After our engagement, I felt like nothing more in the world could possibly go wrong.  

After all, I was 19 years old, and I knew everything there ever was to know about life!  

I had things figured out.  

After a few years of marriage, things began to sour.  

What I thought I once understood showed that I didn't know anything at all.  

The truth was hard to accept.

My personal communication skills were non-existent, and what might have appeared to look like a soda can that if shaken, and opened abruptly,  EXPLODED...all over everything... and everyone.

I come from a background of mental illness with depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder.  

Looking back at the explosions and emotional extremes brings me hope, and

I am grateful to be here today in an eternal marriage with a new perspective.

The Savior healed our marriage in incomprehensible ways... 

Our hearts are mended and aligned in truth.

It took hitting the bottom to understand the purpose of getting to the top.  

My husband and I have endured the natural consequences of sin and sorrow.  

We all have in one way or another.  

With our marriages, it is important to identify what rituals we have established, our divine roles, common goals, and shared values.  

These things make marriage successful!

What a beautiful blessing it is to know that we have a Savior who provides a way for all of us to come back to His presence and be forgiven. 

It was through Him that my husband and I woke up from a painful nightmare, and are basking in the joy of marital reunion.  

We still have our days of disagreements, but we both know that it is vital to turn to Heavenly Father for guidance in everything we do. 

Prayer is my medication that has allowed me to properly see things from Heavenly Father's eternal perspective.

Thoughts.Feelings.Actions...

Earlier this year, I read a book called, 

"Yearning for the Living God", by Elder F. Enzio Bushe.  

This book really built my faith on how love and service help cast out fear in any given situation and relationship.  This book is based on his life and how he relies on God to help with everything.

Previous to this, I had been praying to understand why certain things kept happening in my relationships with my husband and even my children.

One night, I woke up and saw the above image in my head.  I drew a hand sketch of it, and called a friend of mine who does graphic design.  

She put it together and it has served as a key for me in my own progression and understanding.

MY HEART LEPT IN JOY WHEN MY FRIEND SENT THIS TO ME!

It was a gift sent from Heaven!

I use this graphic in my business practice, and felt I needed to openly share this after reading 

H. Wallace Goddard, "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage" readings.  

In chapter 2, he specifically addresses how to exemplify obedience and sacrifice by having a willingness to submit to all things.

He talks about how considering our thoughts, feelings, and actions to gain a clear perspective. 

He also said, "Consider your thoughts, feelings, and actions that are the measure of your character- and the key factors in a godly relationship."

In the diagram above, here is how it works in a nutshell:  We start and look at the Spiritual first.  We each have three distinct voices.  Our own, the spirit, and the adversary.  

Depending on which voice we listen to, we then form thoughts in our minds,  those thoughts turn into emotions, and then cause us to act.  

It matters what we focus out thoughts on!  Because it will cause us to act.. So, as I reflect on the book "Yearning for the Living God", and the above diagram, I always go back to how important it is to focus on Christ in ALL relationships and situations.  If we can see the good attributes of our spouse, then we can progress because we won't be "pin-pricking" at others or ourselves.

Yes, I can talk about this diagram for hours on end.
There is depth to it that continues to help me through each day of my life. 

Heavenly Father wants us to find joy.  He loves us so much that He gave us His only begotten Son.  Our brother Jesus Christ has already atoned for every weakness in us. 

The Natural Man vs. The Spiritual Man

What is the Natural Man?

On lds.org it defines the natural man as, 

"A person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things. All people are carnal, or mortal, because of the fall of Adam and Eve. Each person must be born again through the atonement of Jesus Christ to cease being a natural man."

If we put off the natural man, then we will be born again...

What a powerful blessing! 

In the world we now live, it seems that the physical desires, appetites, passions, and senses of our flesh are taking over the promptings man receives on a spiritual level.  Thus the physical body is taking control over our spiritual body.

Why is this?

Why is it so easy to succumb to natural desires?  As we look at our marriage relationships it's easy to identify the "habits" or "shortcomings" or our spouse.  Those things are all temporal, and not eternal.  

We are promised that we will be made perfect through Christ's Atonement as we "put off" the natural man.

How do we apply this in our marital relationship?

John M. Gottman wrote a book titled,
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work".  

This book breaks down 4 Horseman in predicting marital imbalances, and how to stop them in their tracks from destroying marriages.

Have you ever felt critical, defensive, in a state of contempt, and find yourself stonewalling?

These are all natural tendencies that we must teach and train to change. 

In my own life, my marriage has near failed.  

My husband and I found ourselves involved with all four horsemen.  In fact, it looked like a horse race with both of us placing bets with each awful word that came out of our mouths.  It was a matter of time before the race was over, the horses were put back in their place, and our marriage got proper attention. 

My husband and I both learned that we must be taught, trained, and fed spiritually to allow our hearts to soften towards one another. It is not a race between us.

Only through the Lord can we truly heal wounded marriage.  

It is essential to our progression to put off the natural man and yield to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  

He guides us to healing that the natural man cannot comprehend.  

We must submit ourselves to His will over our own.